You can't special order awesome
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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