I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
