Someone shit on the floor
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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