The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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