That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
