So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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