Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
