I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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