she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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