im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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