don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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