Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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