I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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