so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize