Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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