The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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