my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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