yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
