Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
