I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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