ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
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He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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