First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I want a musical about memes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
