i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
