Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
