He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
