I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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