Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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