talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We had to coat check the pizza.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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