I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
