I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
