I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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