the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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