I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
