Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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