Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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