with your own penis?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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