You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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