Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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