how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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