nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
