hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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