so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
