to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
