erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
