My friends, they love my intelligence
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
