Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
