Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
ok first of all what the fuck
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
