I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize