Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
