I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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