I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
And then he peed in my hair
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