my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
