hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
