I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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