I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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