sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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