I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
