arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
