Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
