based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
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I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
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So much rum. So many feels.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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