You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize