So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
either way he was missing a nipple.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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