Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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