The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
