he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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