Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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