I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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