yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
