Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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