kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
