That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
