i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
