$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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