I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We talked him into tasing himself.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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