I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
