He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i think i have two assholes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
