Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
