I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
