11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
