If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
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I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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