saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
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You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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