I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
