I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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