I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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