I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
